My Ultimate Realisation

The things that I had planned, the goals I set, the path I consciously chose, were often my biggest failures.
And yet, it was exactly what was necessary.

Where I am now, I could not have consciously chosen. I did not consciously choose.

Had I had it my way, I would be probably playing hockey for Australia.

Yet all my work ethic as a hockey player,
All my struggles with my own mind,
All my intense desire to learn & understand,
Has given me a 1 of 1 unique perspective.

I almost didn't come back to Canterbury for the second time,
I was not just hesitant,
I was outright against it.
I thought it would be a mistake
A waste of time.

Yet through coincidence, or universal forces,
I met a man that completely changed my life.
Who gave me the opportunity I had always been seeking, but could never figure out.

Everything has led up to this moment.
Not because I wanted it to,
Not because I tried to make it happen,
Not because I did anything,
But everything that has happened in my life,
Everything I have learned,
Everything I have experienced,
Everything I have become,
Almost by way of accident,
Has perfectly positioned me for this moment.

I couldn't have planned this with 1000 tries.

My ultimate realisation: It's not you who does it.

Whatever this force is, it is out of our control.
But it guides us.
How could I say otherwise?

Failed to achieve my dream of playing hockey for the Kookaburras,
Went through hell within my own mind in pursuit of this goal,
Turned toward my intense desire to help others never go through what I went through,
Started building momentum,
Hesitantly came back to Canterbury,
And was bestowed a massive opportunity to have the impact I have always wanted to have.
But only now am I truly ready for it.
It probably would have failed had I had the opportunity 2 years ago, I might not have been quite ready.
But the level I have gotten to now with my understanding & my devotion to seeking Truth,
I am now ready,
& things will take off quickly,
Not because I want them to,
Not because I try to make it,
But because I am now so attractive to it,
Because I have the wisdom & understanding & approach that people want,
And are willing to pay for.

You simply cannot chase what you want,
It simply does not work,
You will trip yourself up 1000 times over,
You will drive yourself insane,
And what you chase,
Will run from you.

You MUST make yourself attractive to your desire.
And even then,
It is not guaranteed.
Nothing is guaranteed.

What I can guarantee you though, in my experience,
Is that when you continuously seek to understand yourself & the way things work,
And continuously be the best version of yourself,
And allow things to unfold in your life,
And understand that your greatest failures may just be your greatest lessons,
That position you perfectly for the right opportunity.

I can't explain it exactly, which is a common thread of Truth.
But it must be experienced.

Look back at your life,
And examine the opportunities that were bestowed upon you,
That you could not have planned for,
But worked out better than anything you could have possibly done through effort & planning.

It is now my personal experience
That you are better focusing on making yourself attractive,
Through learning & development,
Through seeking wisdom & understanding,
Than desperately chasing whatever it is you want.