Why You Struggle
What if your effort and trying is the cause of your stress?
What if that is actually the reason you feel so much frustration, and pain, and struggle?
Not because of the activity itself,
not because of the level of difficulty or complexity.
But because you have assigned that level of difficulty & complexity & therefore must try really hard?
If that infuriates you,
if that makes your brain hurt a little.
Good.
Want to be more infuriated? Great.
What if, you LIKE the struggle?
No.
What if you LOVE the struggle?
What if you are OBSESSED with it?
I'll give you a minute to process that…
All good now? Okay, let's move on.
Yes unfortunately in our society, the truth is, we celebrate the effort & the struggle more than the win.
So that's what we gravitate toward.
Have you ever noticed, that after a really hard day,
or an exhausting workout,
or a match that just has you absolutely spent,
all you want to do is tell people about it?
And they want to hear about it!
We LOVE the struggle, and the effort, and the trying.
If a sports team is getting absolutely blown out of the water, how quickly do you stop watching?
If Roger Federer or Serena Williams won every single match 6-0 6-0, tennis would die.
NO ONE would watch!
They could be 10 steps above every other human being on Earth, absolute masters of their craft,
and NO ONE would care.
It would be boring.
This is what our society has made us.
We bond over our struggles and our hardships.
So guess what?
That's exactly what we create in our lives!
What do wealthy people do once they've made all their money and that's no longer a struggle?
They do ice baths, and run marathons, and do grueling workouts, and get in great shape.
And they tell everyone how hard they worked.
We LOVE the struggle.
But here's the thing:
Effort & Trying is Interference.
We put it on a pedestal above the thing we are actually efforting & trying to achieve.
So we live in the world of perpetual struggle.
Having to consciously "try your best"
or "give your best effort"
whether in business or sport, is just that:
a CONSCIOUS endeavour.
Which is exactly why it is the very thing preventing you from just focusing on the task at hand and executing.
Conscious thought, behaviour, effort, trying,
is interference.
It's the thought of trying really hard,
as opposed to just trying hard.
It's the thought of effort,
rather than effort itself.
It's an obsession with the effort & the trying, instead of the thing we are actually efforting & trying for - the result.
Why haven't you made a million dollars yet?
Because you enjoy the struggle of getting there,
MORE than getting there.
Why haven't you performed at the level you know you could?
Because you enjoy the hard work & grit and telling people how hard you work,
MORE than performing & winning.
Can I also tell you WHY?
I hope you said yes, because I'm going to tell you anyway.
Here it is:
The success isn't that exciting.
WHAT. THE FUCK.
Think about it.
You win the prize,
you make the million dollars,
you achieve all the achievements.
Then what?
How long does the celebration last?
A moment?
A Day?
A Week?
Then What?
You still have to wake up tomorrow.
Life still continues.
Intuitively, we know this.
We know the actual joy of the success we say we are so desperately chasing is fleeting.
So it's really not that motivating.
What is motivating is being able to tell people how hard you worked,
because you get that hit of dopamine.
That same celebration for actually achieving the thing, as you do telling people how much you work & struggle.
Crazy isn't it?
But it's just biology - we crave dopamine,
and we find the path of least resistance to get there.
Receive the praise for something we achieve in 6 months to 5 years time,
or receive the same praise each week when we tell people how hard we're working toward that thing?
Easy choice for our brain.
So what's the message in all of this?
What should you do about it?
Nothing. There is nothing to do.
Only Understand.
Understand that Effort & Trying in goal achievement, in peak performance, is interference.
Understand that at the moment,
you enjoy the effort,
the trying,
the struggle
MORE than the Achievement.
It's a dopamine hit that is quicker and easier to receive, so that's what we go for.
There's nothing wrong with this.
There is no right and wrong.
It's just a matter of understanding.
It could shift your perspective of the importance you currently place on your goals.
It could shift your perspective of placing things on a pedestal.
It could shift your perspective to release the desire and find something that is both rewarding & 'successful' TODAY.
Or you could do none of things,
deny everything I've said
and continue on your merry way struggling.
What's it going to be?